


Living With Crimson Hands

by Lucy_fer



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Hanzo Shimada Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Other, ana is a wise person, hanzo drama, so full of wisdom, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 04:12:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy_fer/pseuds/Lucy_fer
Summary: Everything seems to be going wrong, and endless spiral downwards even as Hanzo tries to claw himself to the top. It'd hard, and seems very much hopeless, but maybe the words of another can help him finally begin to climb upward.





	Living With Crimson Hands

Cold wind bit at his cheeks, but he remained unbothered by it. After having spent so long on the run and taking shelter wherever he could find it, Hanzo had long since become rather unfazed by what Mother Nature could throw at him.

Staring towards the ocean which the cliffs of Gibraltar looked over, Hanzo had to admit that it was quite the view. The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in warm, fiery colors and giving the ocean shimmers of yellow and orange. The entire scene was peaceful, showing a sense of tranquility. It made Hanzo’s lips stretch into a bitter smile, the juxtaposition between the outside world of the base and the interior of both the base and Hanzo’s own mind was just too funny in a painful way.

Looking over the water, Hanzo’s mind began to wander, thinking about what had caused him to come outside and seek solitude on the roof of the base

~~~~

_“Anija, this can’t keep going on and don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"_

_The older of the duo didn’t bother to turn his head as listened to the words of his younger brother. He knew that this was going to happen, but that still didn’t mean he wanted to deal with it._

_“Genji, is it truly the time right now to talk about this?” Hanzo asked, tiredness dripping into his voice as he continued to walk._

_“Yes, it is time as it cannot keep happening,” the younger pressed, causing Hanzo to sigh and enter the kitchen, halting and turning around to face his brother._

_“You’re just so...difficult to work with,” Genji blurted out, deciding that the best method of talk was blunt and straight to the point, “You don’t work well with anyone and you’re downright nearly impossible to approach.”_

_Hanzo remained silent, taking in his brother’s words. Truthfully, he knew that was Genji was saying was true. He knew that he was hard to work with, that he came across as an asshole more often than not. But the problem was, was that he had no idea how to fix it. He didn’t know what he could do to try and improve, and that frustrated him to no end. Especially since he saw just how hard everyone had been trying to help him acclimate to everything._

_“Anija, I know you’re struggling with this,” Genji began, his tone showing how he was obviously choosing his words carefully (which made a pang of guilt hit Hanzo, he shouldn’t be the one making his younger brother feel so cautious. His older brother should not be something Genji should be wary of), “I think talking to Master would be most helpful for y-”_

_“No, that will not be necessary Genji,” Hanzo cut him off, not liking where this conversation was going, “I will be fine.”_

_Green lights flared for a moment before Genji speaking again, his words louder and firmer this time, “No you will not be! Anjia, I see how you act! I see you lurking in the shadows, away from everyone else. I see how you go out of your way to avoid interacting with everyone. I see how you get the look of a cornered and wounded animal when someone tries to drag you into a conversation or activity. I know you’ve always kept to yourself, but this is too much! I can’t stand by and watch you avoid everyone, watch you miserably staying away because you don’t know how to act!”_

_“You know nothing,” Hanzo snarled, looking at his brother with fierce eyes._

_“I do! And I’m giving you a solution as to how to help! Why will you not at least try it?!” Genji exclaimed, growing more and more frustrated by his older brother and the archer’s stubbornness._

_“Because I do not need such help or such a solution!” Hanzo all but shouted, looking down as he muttered to himself, “Nor do I believe that I deserve it.”_

_“What was that?” a quiet voice asked, and Hanzo felt like he had had a bucket of ice dumped over his head, “Anija…”_

_“This conversation is over. I shall see you again Genji. If you’ll excuse me,” Hanzo didn’t wait for an answer, for he quickly bolted out of the kitchen and down the hallway._

_Running through the hallway, Hanzo tried to calm himself down even as he heard Genji shouting after him. Those words, why had he said them? Why had he brought out something he had kept buried so long to the surface, and not just the surface, but the surface where someone could clearly notice it and examine it? He didn’t know, and it wasn’t something he wished to unpack right now where it was easy for someone to encounter him._

_So, Hanzo did what he did best (something he was not proud of), he ran. He ran from the possibility of encountering teammates, he ran from his brother, and he ran from his problems. He ran until he managed to make it to the roof, climbing up and sitting down, overlooking the ocean. But Hanzo knew that he could only run for so long, and that eventually, whatever you were running from would catch up with you._

~~~~

Hanzo sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face and feeling utterly exhausted. He had survived for years on the run, surviving assassination attempt after assassination attempt. He had been able to sneak back into his former home year after year to do his best to try and atone for the greatest sin of his life. Hanzo had lived through all of these and had come out pretty much unscathed, but place him in an environment where he was safe yet had to interact with others and suddenly he fell apart. He suddenly felt more beaten down that ever. Or, maybe he had always felt this beaten down, this tired, but being at Gibraltar and with Overwatch just made those feelings finally become too much. He didn’t know, and he was pretty sure he would never know. All he could do was what he had been doing for years, setting his jaw and keep making his way forward, even if it meant he was pretty much crawling.

“It’s quite a view, isn’t it?” an accented voice asked, and Hanzo quickly turned around, completely startled.

Looking at the source of the voice, Hanzo saw the approaching figure of Ana Amari, former Captain and second-in-command of Overwatch. He kept his eyes trained on her as she made her way over, sitting next to him with her feet dangling over the edge of the base next to Hanzo’s prosthetic ones. They sat in silence for a bit, it wasn’t an awkward silence but Hanzo wouldn’t go as far as to call it a comfortable/amicable silence. It was just plain silence, nothing more nothing less.

“Am I correct in assuming you’re part of the reason why Genji has been frantically running around the halls with McCree and Zenyatta following him, trying to calm him down?” the sniper asked, not looking at the archer.

“You...are correct in that assumption,” Hanzo admitted, shame curling in his gut that he was the reason why so much chaos.

“Well, at least some things never change,” Ana said with a chuckle, “except it used to be Jack and Gabe wreaking havoc. The halls used to be full of people running around, searching for the perpetrator for something like a prank. Yes, Overwatch was an organization made for the serious purpose of saving the world, but there is nothing wrong with going against the rules and standards and having some fun.”

Hanzo nodded, taking in her words. It was strange though, just was happening. Someone had sought out his company, and they were talking to him like he was another person. That he was just simply a man named Hanzo Shimada. That he was not Hanzo Shimada, a former yakuza prince set to inherit his clan’s crime empire and who had tried to murder his brother (and who had almost finished the job). Ana Amari, the former second-in-command of Overwatch, someone who had gone through it all and had seen it all, who had an incredible amount of honor to her name, was sitting with someone like himself and talking to him as if they were on equal ground. As if they were just two people. And...it felt nice. Strange, but nice.

Hanzo watched as Ana pulled a thermos from her jacket and two cups. Unscrewing the cap, she poured a generous amount of tea for the both of them, “A good cup of tea helps ease things a bit, although I hope you do not mind Chamomile.”

Taking the mug, Hanzo appreciated how it warmed his hands which had begun to feel more like ice than flesh after sitting outside for who-knows how long, “That is fine, thank you Captain Amari.”

Ana waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, her eye sparkling with amusement, “Please, just Ana is fine. I gave up that mantle a long time ago.”

“Ana then,” Hanzo said, nodding in acceptance, “Thank you.”

“It does one well to have something to soothe the mind, tea has for a long time been one of those things for me. And I can tell you need something like that,” Ana began, her hawklike gaze practically pining Hanzo in place, “What is wrong?”

Hearing her words, Hanzo froze. He didn’t know how to reply. In what way _could_ he reply? Just, “Oh it’s just I’ve been haunted by my past for years and years for committing the greatest sin of my life because I was such a fool? And that now that I have a second chance I’m still messing it up and I don’t believe I deserve to have a second chance?” Ha, no thank you. He couldn’t reply like that, it was just….too much, too much and it was too _raw_ and it still hurt so very, very much. But, Hanzo knew that he also had to say something because Ana wouldn’t let up. And...he found that a small, but vocal, part of him _wanted_ to talk to her. A part of him wanted to tell her what was going on. Thinking carefully, as he did not want to say something that could tip the precarious balance he had with the conversation, he eventually had a reply.

“Why did you abandon the assassin’s art?”

After saying it aloud, Hanzo wanted to kick himself. It was such a _rude_ question, and it touched on a very personal subject. He was about to apologize, but then Ana ended up replying.

“I was never an assassin. I killed only, because it was necessary.” 

The archer was once again rendered speechless by her words. She had only spoken two sentences, and yet it had felt like he had been punched in the gut. With those words, everything he knew about the infamous sniper came to the forefront of his mind.

_“She is much worthier, much more respectable, and infinitely more honorable than I am or can ever be. She took lives in order to help the world. She acted as a guardian, as a hero. While I acted as a plague, taking the lives of people, not caring for who they were, just doing as I was told. I...am not worth to even be in her presence.”_

“Of course, that does not make me a saint,” Ana spoke up, causing Hanzo to raise his eyes to look at her (when had he lowered them?), “I have taken so many lives, and even though it was to protect those I loved, all of those deaths put a weight upon me.”

She paused, looking Hanzo directly in the eye, “But even so, I always did what was asked for me, and I feel that you can relate to that.”

The archer looked into her eye, taking in its sharp gaze and the tattoo lining it, before he looked back down, staring at the mug his hands were still cradling, “I have committed far too many crimes to be forgiven. You may have killed many, but you did it for something righteous, while I did it for a criminal empire. We both did as we were told, but you had good intentions. Me, I was just a blind fool.”

“You must remember, Hanzo, that we are only human, and thus we have flaws. Everything is a matter of perspective, what one person sees as right is wrong to another,” Ana told him, her tone softer but firm, “you suffered from that, but you did something many people have not been able to.”

“And what is that?” Hanzo asked, still staring at his tea, “What have I done that is not so horrible?”

“You decided to stop, think, and see the flaws in the way you had lived,” Ana said, her gaze now directed towards the horizon, “You decided to break away from the way you had lived your whole life by, and that is something very respectable.”

“How...how could you possibly say that?” Hanzo almost whispered, “You do not know how I’ve lived...how I used to live for years…”

“Because I can see it, I can see it with how you act. How you seem to restrain yourself from certain things, how you do not know what to do when a certain situation comes about. How you carry yourself,” Ana explained, “everything about you points towards a long time spent living a certain way.”

Hanzo chuckled, but it was a bitter thing, “You are very sharp, aren’t you?”

“Well, I would hope so after dealing with Gabe and Reyes along with being a sniper for so long,” Ana replied, giving a chuckle, “but you have completed one of, if not the hardest, part of trying to change. You decided that something was not right and you decided to leave everything comfortable and familiar behind. You decided to break away from what to you was normal and go through countless amounts of challenges in order to get better.”

“I am not sure that I am worthy of such help…” the archer replied, his hands now beginning to have a small tremor which was much more apparently thanks to how the tea in his hands now had ripples disrupting its surface.

“You have decided to try and change things for the better, that is enough to earn some help and guidance along the way,” Ana told him, her voice firm, “It is your own journey to find peace with yourself, to be happy with yourself and change in the way you want. But that does not mean that you do not deserve to have help along the way.”

“I do not know how to accept it…” this time, the words were barely above a whisper, “I tried to kill my _brother_ , the person I swore to protect, I cannot be forgiven for that…”

A gloved hand was placed onto his shoulder, and Hanzo looked back over to the sniper, her gaze gentle, “Hanzo, I have killed many, I have said goodbye to so many friends. I’ve buried the ones closest to me. I regret so many things, and I wish I could change the choices I made. And it is only human for us to wish to change the past, to have burdens.”

“Some burdens are greater than others, possibly too great…” Hanzo added, and he watched as the older woman nodded, her eye sad.

“Indeed, some sins are larger than others,” she agreed, but her eye changed, now containing fire and steel within it, “We do not forget our sins, it is not something which is possible. But, overtime, we learn to live with them, to cope with them. And thus, we are able to learn how to keep going even if they always weigh on our minds.” 

“How did you get to that point? How have you been able to keep going?” Hanzo asked, feeling lost and unsure, “I have been trying to do so for years, but…”

He trailed off, truly not sure how to continue. Ana didn’t react negatively, she just gave him a smile that reminded him of one a caring mother would give to a frightened child.

“I cannot tell you how, as everyone is different in this world. But I can tell you, that accepting help and time are both major parts of the whole process,” she said, “Our hands will forever be dyed crimson, but we can learn to live with that even if it is hard.”

Silence fell over them again, and Hanzo turned the words over in his head. Change would not come immediately, he knew that. But, with Ana’s words, he felt like he might finally be able to change. What seemed impossible now seemed like something he could do, and there was definitely something special in that.

“You possess great wisdom Ana,” Hanzo told her, now feeling calmer than before, “It is truly something else.”

“It is nothing,” she replied with a chuckle, a gleam in her eye that spoke of slight mischief, “I am just an old sniper turned healer, nothing more nothing less.”

Taking a long sip from her tea, Ana once again looked over towards the sky which was steadily getting darker and darker, “I am not one to tell you how you should live your life, I will not tell you who to go to or who to talk to. But, I will tell you that I am always willing to listen if you need someone.”

“I...thank you,” it was simple, only two words, but it held a lot of weight to it.

Ana only smiled, before she finished her tea and stood up, “I will tell everyone that you are fine, take as long as you want and enjoy as much tea as you wish. Although, I expect to get that mug and thermos back.”

“Of course,” Hanzo replied, giving her a nod, “...thank you again Ana.”

The woman only smiled at him, “It is nothing Hanzo, just something from one person with crimson hands to another.”

With that, she left, once again disappearing into the building. Hanzo relooked at the sky, now dark and beginning to fill with stars. Looking at the mug still clutched in his hands, he finally took a sip, surprised to find that it was still warm. Giving a sigh, he looked up at the stars.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he felt free. And that, that was the greatest feeling of them all.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright AO3, let's hope I did this correctly. Three stories later and I still mess up the formatting of this site. I've been playing a lot more Overwatch lately, I'm an Ana main (salty that her nano got nerfed) and I just think she's such a cool character (an elderly sniper lady who has sleep darts, nano tech, biotic grenades, and a biotic rifle while being a badass, what's not to love?). Hanzo's an interesting character to me, and his and Ana's dialogue inspired this fic. So yeah, here you go, Hanzo getting advice from Ana. Thanks for reading!


End file.
